A good friend of ours wrote an insightful entry a few weeks back. Many of us are going through the same thing that she does without being aware.
She is in her twenties but yet her thoughts are beyond age restriction. Who says maturity comes with age? When they say age is just a number, it really is just what it is, numbering system to mark your three dimensional existence on earth.
"I don’t exactly know what I am going to write in this page, my purpose is to share what I know so far. I never thought writing what I know or what I think I do, just because I believe that every person has their own truths that come at their own time, but today I changed my mind, for two reasons. First, I woke up this morning finding a sweet message from a dear friend who told me for the nth time to follow my intuition and share what I know. Second, another dear friend of mine asked my personal “feeling” about a matter because I have a strong connection with myself. So the reasons I’m writing this, besides sharing, is to hopefully make you realize that we all can share a strong bond with ourselves, even though we believe that we don’t sometimes and maybe to inspire someone. I feel I owe this to every person that has inspired me with their stories. Nothing of these things I’m about to say is new, but from my little personal experience that I have, I know that sometimes we just need a little push, or confirmation to believe. I’m not writing here to convince anyone either. This is my truth so far, and I’m willingly to change it, if someday, another truth will appear in front of me that is contradictory to this one. But for now, this feels true to me, so as I often say, what feels true to you it is indeed true. I would be a terrible liar if I didn’t apply that to myself in the first place.
I’d like to start with a story, taken from the book “The Knight with the Rusty Armor”. For those people who are not familiar with the story (a big spoiler here): there was this knight who was so used to fighting dragons and saving princesses with his sword and armor that he didn't bother taking his armor at all of him. Of course that didn't please his wife who asked him to choose between her and their son and his armor. He chose them or course, but the moment he tried to take the armor off him, he couldn't He had been using it for so long that the armor became him. (hehe, does this speaks to you? It speaks to me a great deal ;))
He tried to force it out of him, but he couldn’t. So finally he decided to go and see Merlin to help him. Merlin told him that to get rid of the armor he should follow the path of truth and go in and out 3 castles: The castle of Silence, The castle of Knowledge and The castle of Will and Dare. He didn’t need to take the sword with him because there wouldn’t be any dragons and he could use the help of a pigeon and a squirrel. (..tough work making the knight believe he could talk to animals, but well not an impossible thing to do either).
In the first castle the knight had to go alone. He felt betrayed, but he had no choice. He discovered he was afraid to be alone, and he cried himself a lot of times to sleep but when he got used to it he started to hear a little voice inside him that called himself (Sam… why not?) and told the knight that he was him. When he started to listen to Sam, his little voice inside him, he found his way out of the castle. He found out that all the tears he cried during the time that he was in this castle, had removed part of his armor. He felt lighter and began once more to climb the path of truth until he found himself outside the castle of Knowledge.
This time squirrel and pigeon went with him inside the castle. In the castle of Knowledge the more they were the better it was, he didn’t have to do it alone. He called Merlin for help too. Indeed all these castles had no doors. The door appeared when the truth was found. But this castle had no lights either. Just an inscription that said 'Knowledge is the light by which you shall find your way' … guess what happened next? Well I won’t tell you, you have to find out yourself.
The truth is that I’m in this castle myself, but I guess you guessed that in the castle of Will and Dare he found nothing more or less than his greatest fears. So, he had to confront that dragon without his sword and got burned more than once... ouch... familiar story isn’t it? But the knight did find his way through the castle, and that was it. He got rid of the armor. The Beginning. (not, The End. How great is that?)
When I read that, I was happy to discover that personally I was out of the Castle of Silence (Yaaayyy!!) and I was inside the Castle of Knowledge. I had identified my problem, discerning need from love and I learned I didn’t have to do it alone anymore.
I was so happy!!! The question I was asking myself when I started to read this book, was: “Now that I know what my problem is (one of them at least) that I am an emotionally dependent person, how long will it take until I get rid of it? Until I become independent from anyone, until I learn to love unconditionally, to let go completely, not get attached to the outcome or to anyone and go with the flow? “
When I asked this question I didn’t realize that another quest was out there for me... patience. The first step is made, but the cure can take years. It took me 2 years to go in and come out the castle of Silence, and I just got in the castle of Knowledge and maybe it will take me 2 other years there, or maybe 10 or maybe this life will end before I can get out, but I tell myself that it’s ok. At least I’ll die trying and why I’m there, maybe I can do the castle of Will and Dare as well… Uhh that sounds like it’s not possible, because as long as I don’t let go of the outcome I’ll always be afraid of losing something... so I’ll go with one step at a time...."
To be continued in The Awakened Mind Part 2....