New Life, New Beginning

Perfect moment captured

I often wonder what it would be like to have my own life.
Free from worrying about how I should behave in society just because of my colour, background and status,
Being able to just walk out the door and do an evening walk without being afraid that I'd get mugged or raped on the way home.
Just living and breathing the same air as everyone else and feeling the freedom that comes with being a human, no matter how bias it could be to my own perception as there are still bills and taxes to pay.

After a year of transition, I finally concluded that life is just life, it actually is so personal to one's own perception of it that no one, not even your twin, can ever give advice to you about how your life should be.
I like mine just the way it is now, with my own illusion of freedom which serves me well.

It is, after all, how one perceives it to be, isn't it?

Death

Nothing ever truly dies...
Everything simply transforms...
Human emotions are so precious to have and to share...
They're there to be felt and can hardly be expressed in writing when not felt...

It's a free fall without a net...
Are you ready to go or do you have to be in control?

When you let go, you're ready to be freed...

...The Author...

The author who wrote more than a dozen books, knows nothing of emotions...
He understands ancient theories but misinterpret raw feelings...

The author who boasts of his followers, knows nothing of loyalty...
He compartmentalise marriage into different area from commitment...

The author who faces students every week, knows nothing of honesty...
He obligates at home and becomes a slave of "love" other times...

The author who thinks he knows the stars and planets...
Refuses to see inward towards his own galaxy...

The author who writes so much...
Does not deserve another word...

"You Don't Know What Love Is"

You don't know what love is
Until you've learned the meaning of the blues
Until you've loved a love you've had to lose

You don't know what love is

You don't know how lips hurt
Until you've kissed and had to pay the cost
Until you've flipped your heart and you have lost

You don't know what love is

Do you know how lost heart feels
At the thought of reminiscing
And how lips that taste of tears
Lose their taste for kissing

You don't know how hearts burn
For love that cannot live yet never dies
Until you've faced each dawn with sleepless eyes

You don't know what love is

You don't know how hearts burn
For love that cannot live yet never dies
Until you've faced each dawn with sleepless eyes
You don't know what love is

What love is

Love and Trust Part 2

While he's been playing his games with various girls, she has been on a quest to find herself.
She asks herself the important questions.  Why her relationships failed?  Why her mother's health decline so rapidly and has been reduced to a chunk of flesh that's rotting from inside and have her voice taken away?  What is the significance in her mother's exit from the scenario?
This is what he should've done, instead of playing the victim role and still blaming her for failing twice in his attempt to revive the relationship between them.

Another person, a new face, does not change the lessons needing to be learnt.  It is insignificant compare to the lessons they both have signed up to have in this lifetime.  The circumstances have made them met again for the third time to give them a choice whether to take up the lessons again or choose to go on their own path.

She had questioned many times and tested many times on why some relationship lasts, some don't, some stays true to their partner even through the difficult times, some stray, some finds it easy to stay together, some just drifts apart.  She finds the answer after much vulnerable moments.
It is not about who is the partner, the different faces, the permutation of conditions, the details of how, are just variations on how you can learn your lessons.
She finds that one can change partners many many times, you have no limit really, you set your own limit, you know your own lessons.  The thing that matter is whether you learnt your lessons.  Some partner gives you better circumstances, because they also change and grow with you, some tends to trudge and makes you feel like you're walking in a swamp, because he can't keep up with your change or he just chooses to never change hence the relationship breaks.

The question then becomes which variations do  you like best?  One full of people that keeps up with your change and vibrates on a higher frequency with you (to say it simply, being around happy people)?  Or one full of people that makes you feel like you're swamping through your day?
You may feel love and trust from both groups, but is it the real thing?  How do each define love and trust?

He said that the many years of his life were his greatest asset that he has given her and that she had lost his love and trust.  That she is not free of the deed of their past and he would not bet the rest of his life on her because he has been genuine and there's no regret in that.
Here lies a lot of what his lessons are, if only he took a second read at what he wrote.
He's still hurting and blaming her for all the actions he took after they went their separate ways.  The games he's playing are still the same.  It is called the "blame game" and no body can be the winner of that, but he thinks he'll win because he'll bet on someone else next time around, even after various attempts on that having to fail, he's still thinking betting on someone else is better than looking inwards like what she had done.
He said she only deserves being a mistress because of the deed of their past.  She knows better, a Ph.D. student would feel just as frustrated explaining her findings to a 9 year old.
What she deserves to be in someone's life, has nothing to do with other people and her deed of their past.  The most important thing about relationship and the love and the trust in it, is within you and how you relate to yourself.

Life is learning your lessons with someone that is willing to change their energy to keep moving positively.  It's not about betting on someone new just because they have not done anything to you, yet.
Relationships lasts when you both grow together, hand in hand, helping each other, not playing the games people play.  Maybe occasionally you want to play the game but you have to be conscious about it and not forget the lesson you're learning.
Keeping in touch with your emotional barometer is essential to check your place.  That's why it's no good to just "cope".  You have to get raw with your emotion and do the necessary steps to get back to your happy place.
The universe (or multiverse now) is always listening to you.  When you have love and trust in yourself, it won't leave you out of the equation.
We are all love, and from that, we can trust that we're always looked after.

Love and Trust Part 1

Love and trust, do you take or give them?

It's been a while since I find myself among people who thinks love and trust are give and take.
I'm thankful that I'm so good at sifting and sorting my own vibrations, so those who still thinks love and trust are either given or taken are nowhere around me.

Love and trust are owned by each and every one of us because we are love ourselves.  Once we know we are love, trust is abundant.  We will find love and trust everywhere we go.

Unless...you have this scenario below...

17 years ago, he met this girl of different nationality.  Same race, but different culture.  It might have been love at first sight, so he thought, as for her, she wished never to meet him again after their first meeting as she didn't understand why he threw a piece of paper to her when asking for her phone number.
He came off as rather cold and rude.  Man of few words and definitely, not her preference in a life partner.  He was persistent in his persuasion and even though he was a bit brash, his archaic gentlemanly style caught her attention.
This impertinent man was the only one to send her flowers 7 times in a row after each bunch withered.
Twice they tried to be together for life, but failed both times.  He blames her each time, thinking it's always the other person's fault.  As I said, he was a brash impertinent man with little understanding of himself because he never tried to pry open himself and face the real man within.
Many times, he tried to find someone else other than her.  Many times he failed.  Each time worst than the other.

Recent dumping scenario includes a -4 degrees celcius winter and cocktails of sleeping pills.
He was supposed to get married February 2015, instead, he flew to meet her in December 2014 to a confession that he was just too much for someone like her that craves a guy with warm heart and a monk's fate.  Enough said, when you're in your 40's, your choice of girls are limited unless you're Elon Musk, which he is not.
His life passes him by, the same lesson each time worst than the other, only to present him with the same girl that he met 17 years ago by chance.  Not the girls he met through dating sites, or exclusive dating clubs that he's been merry go-rounding.  They have gone to live their lives and he never made that good enough impression for them anyway to get him "remembered".

Yet, he refuses to look within himself.  Still blaming her for the two chances he had given her and failed.  Still blaming her for her past actions, never his, it was always her that's to blame.  Never looking at himself not even once because that would leave him exposed and that would hurt a lot he thinks.  Always pointing that one finger at her and not realising that four fingers are pointing back at him whenever he does that.
So he ages, his body taking the tolls of his negative beliefs and blame games.  The life he wakes up to becomes a series of unfortunate events.  There's always something happening in his life that causes him to curse the very existence of him and his lonely parents who are well aging into their 80's.  Sometimes the neighbours' cows wonders around into his paddock and being called home early from work for that, well, it sort of give the boss a not so nice impression.  Someone's gotta do it and who else is there?  No one but him.

This could've been a good life for him he thought, if only his plan worked.  Get a random girl from a dating match making, make some babies, get her busy with the babies and the old parents, while he continues to "work it" outside with a mistress.  Hey, everybody does it nowadays, a man has gotta "eat", right?

====Continue in Part 2====

"The Moment of Beauty" by Takayuki Sato

Still from "The Moment of Beauty"

A video made by Takayuki Sato called "The Moment of Beauty" captured my attention just now.

This video confirms my recent realisations about "words".
Words exchanged between one individual to another during everyday life's conversations, words in print form, words sung, words in different languages, etc.

They said be careful of what you say, because wounds made to the heart from your words are harder to heal than those made by the sword to the skin.
I went around thinking that the words carry powerful energies that certain ones when said, can heal or harm.  I thought the secret lies within the word itself.  That the difference between appreciation and gratefulness is actually within the words.

I was wrong.

There are no energies pre-attached with words.  We put the energies to words when we utter them with our intention.
Who would've thought 20 years ago that making a comment such as, "Wow, that's so sick!" actually means something really good?
Sick isn't green and pale anymore, sick has evolved.

Have you evolved?

Make sure you click "The Moment of Beauty" , the beauty is not in the long flowing thick hair brushing against her fresh rosy cheeks, it's within.



Disclaimer:  Still taken from the video is not mine, all rights reserved to the video maker.

Honesty

"Honesty is such a lonely word....honesty is hardly ever heard..."

Who doesn't know those lyrics from Billy Joel's "Honesty"?
Ok, how about Beyonce's "I Am...Sasha Fierce" album, Track #2.  Yes perhaps most of you recognise this chorus line there.

Why is honesty being called such a lonely word?
When one is honest with themselves, they find that the truth is their own truth and not anyone else's truth.
So, most people would rather lie to themselves and others in order to project an image or belong to a group.

Take this example.  A well known Metaphysics teacher, destiny reader, ancient knowledge teacher, what kind of life behind the facade he puts out, do you think he would have?
An enlightened one?
Think again.

When one is not in search of their true self, resorting into easing the pain and hurt of life in things like one's accomplishments and praise from others, one will not find true happiness.

"Happiness is the truth"  .... at least Will Pharell 'got it' in his current hit.

Sorting Out the Posts

It's been a few years since I started blogging and I found that my posts are so varied that it became cluttered.
So this year I have decided to separate my daughter's work and my spiritual development from my original single life obsessions posts.

To see what my daughter does, go to:
Splendid Story Writing

To see my spiritual development progress, go to:
Quantum Energy Works

To see what I obsessed about this very moment, go to:

Diary of a Single Mom

Phew, I feel like I've tidied up my desk even though I still can't see the surface.

Pebbles On The Sand

I love to meditate by the sea, sometimes I share my thoughts and longings with it too.

I remember once i decided to go and walk on the beach, it was early summer. 

I walked by the edge where the sand was moist so that I would leave my footprints and every now and then I look back and look at the pattern.

There were young children playing, building sand castles and gathering tiny pebbles to embellish their constructions.  Their enthusiastic laughter  mingled with cries from the seagulls, they were so happy.

I stopped to feel the rising sun on my shoulders and the soft breeze and also to smell the sea. Tiny waves were kissing my toes as if they were extended fingers of the sea inviting me to play with them. 

I picked up a pebble on the sand and it seemed it knew my hand.  The rhythm of my breathing matched the rhythm of the incoming waves...I felt one with the sea and the pebble and the sun. 

It was all a song of creation...a song of Being-ness. 

I bent down and wrote on the soft sand, "I am in love with you" as if talking to the sea.

Like a little child, I skimmed the pebble on the sea, like an acknowledgment to the sea...or was it a way of communicating with it?

After some time, oblivious of the passing time, I noticed the waves gaining more momentum...due to the rising sun, I suppose.  

When I came back from my pleasant reverie, I noticed that the waves have crumbled the castles and that now my writing on the sand said only, "I am...". I could not help but smile, looked at the sea and sent a loving imaginary hug. 

I turned back to return home...all my footprints were erased by the sea.  I felt so much love that my eyes watered and a tear drop fell in the sea, carried away by the waves mingling with the ocean. 

Yes, I am one...always, am one with the Source. 

Soulmate

A few days ago, someone asked me, "What is a soulmate?".
Now, I am puzzled by this because the person asking me has never married and I don't want to ruin anyone's perception on what is or what is not.  After all, I have 1 failed marriage under my belt.  Who is to say that my experience won't cloud my opinion?
So, my silly side decided to 'play'.
I sent him a definition of "soulmate" according to the Merriam Webster dictionary.

There is much background to this story than what is visible on the naked eye.  But for now, lets stick to the question.

Soulmate, is made up of 2 words.  The soul and the mate.  
Where is the mate when the soul is denied?
The mate only appears when the soul is recognised. 

Many think that soulmate(s) are persons with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, from sex to spiritual affinity. 

The current usage of the concept points to a romantic partner. 

However, there is a definition which is beautiful, it is Theosophic:

According to Theosophy, whose claims were modified by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls—equally male and female.  Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred Karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God.".  Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other.  When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.

In my experience, I have known persons who thought they had found their soul-mate...their spiritual soul-mate that is, as this seems to be the highest in the man-made classification.  Then something happens and they break up....so what happened?

A soul takes on physical form in a body to experience and learn.  

That creates a signature frequency, or vibration of that being. 

When two such beings resonate together it means that there is a spiritual-physical affinity, not either or, but spiritual-physical together. 

And so one effects the other through vibes even by living far away...even by being silent there can be a lot of communication between them. 

Even though they have different karma or life lessons, they are connected through their Higher Self.

If you mix the definition of marriage with the definition of soulmate(s), that's when your judgement is clouded.  

Marriage has nothing to do with finding a soulmate(s).  

Think about those who went into polygamy.  Those who married many times.  Then there are those who falls under the LGBT community category.  Whose to say that they have not found their soulmate(s)?

It is more important to focus on learning your lessons and connecting with your Higher Self than trying to sift through the dating site in the hope to find your "soulmate".

Barking at Shadows

It was a very quiet night...a distant bark from a dog, then quiet again. 
Rain was gently falling silently on the street. 
A puddle reflected the bright moon, a yellow, golden orb in the puddle. 
I was staring at the moon's reflection being broken into many tiny fragments when raindrops hit the puddle. 
Then, the images shiver into connecting together reflecting the whole moon...until the next drop....

The moon does not change, only the reflection does. 

The light in the heavens and the light in the puddle, both lights from one light. 

The light from the moon is already a reflection from the sun which is out of sight in the night.

Waves of light, too were hitting me and inner love and compassion awakened in my heart. 

Light and Love is all we are but we cling to our beliefs that we are the moon in the puddle, always being fragmented into many pieces through our prejudices...false beliefs and worldly desires. 

We are the Light...the moon reflecting light from the Source, from the sun. 

Light within light...it is all Light and Love.

The dog barked again...maybe seeing shadows somewhere. 

We all bark after shadows...until the sun rises and we awaken.

In Search for yourSELF

The Vitruvian Man by Leonardo da Vinci

There comes a time for every single human being,
to feel they're lost and stuck in life.

They read books from many that claimed they were once in the same limbo,
to the teachings of many ascended masters.
They change their physical self in the hope that this will win the crowd and they'll become a happier SELF.

Some quit their jobs,
travel to Nepal, Angkor Wat, and the likes,
looking for answers to cure their ailments.

But none ever thought that the answers are nowhere to be found,
that those trips to uncharted territories on earth are of pleasure only,
because the answers were already there,
before you even stepped out of the door to catch that plane.

If only you see beyond the appearance.
If only you realise the beauty in everything.
That there is consciousness in every existance,
no matter how small or how big it may be.
If only you opened your heart and look within.

Surprise Gift!

As if one can predict one's own predicament, hence beware of what you say, I was swamped with work on my birthday.  

When you get to my age, after the siblings and your child singing happy birthday on We Wish You A Merry Christmas tune, the next ones to be wishing you birthday are: your suppliers (so you continue to work for them), your insurance company (may I live long and not claim my insurance prematurely), and the ones usually being real nice and attentive are the bankers (so forever will you invest with them).  These are truly sinful indulgence from those lovely boy bankers.  I need a diet plan STAT!