Thursday 24 October 2019

End of Karmic relationship

I'm the smiling stone, undeterred by anything, will just keep smiling.
Every 12 years, the same Chinese zodiac sign comes
to visit us.
12 years ago, the year of the Pig came and changed my karma.  I got married which ended up in my divorce.

This year, I also ended a karmic relationship.  Deeper than a mere marriage on paper with someone I just met.
This year, my brother took off and never looked back.

I believe everything happens for many reasons I can't comprehend now, but later will reveal themselves.  So I'm not going to try anymore with this relationship either eventhough this karma is deeper, our bond was never that strong anyway having more than a decade difference between us.

When my mother decided to have him, I asked her why.  She had already the two of us, girls.  We thought we made her happy, after all, my sister was a star quality, always pleasant in other's eyes.  Maybe not I, but her, she made us a happy family.

Then my mother told me a story, about how Chinese families are.
Our responsibility as the women who give birth to the person who will carry the family surname into the future.
Our culture, that of women leaving her birth family to become the husband's family member.
The unwritten rules that everyone follow, discussed, disputed but never get resolved and becomes the source of gossip among communities.

This is why when my brother "ran away", I understood why he did that.
Being the man in a Chinese family isn't easy especially when the man is the youngest member of the family.
Had he been the eldest, he would've had enough ego to actually protect the family, afterall, since mother has died, we have lost our beacon.
He had to find a woman who can carry those burden of responsibilities that had been handed down generation after generations.
When he met someone who can never carry that kind of burden with him, of course, running away will be the only option that can be seen.
It is easier to run away from responsibilities than to man up and become responsible for his own actions.
It is even easier to use LOVE as an excuse to run away.  Something that cannot be seen or proven, but in time, it will prove itself.  Never underestimate the power of the universe in setting things straight.

TOO MUCH TO BEAR

This invisible wall that has divided him and us, is probably for the better in the end.

No regrets brother, everybody makes their own decisions.
I thank you for forcing me to make mine, I'm leaving you be.