Live Life Now

Mama on her wedding day, isn't she beautiful?

As 2015 comes to an end and we're all counting down in our own time zones for whatever that may come in the new year, I remember my mom always loved to stay up late past midnight for just one day of the year.
I don't.  I sleep as early as I can because my new year, as always, had already been celebrated, 6 hours earlier and I saw no point staying up late for this timezone.

Some may say I hold on to my past so much that I forgot to live my now.  Some may say I've so much anger, my love can't be felt.  Some may say I talk too deep, they rather not talk to me at all.
I say to all of you, I am how I feel.  What's the point of living when you don't feel the contrast?
Over there where mom is now, there's only love.  It's comfy and always is just love in its pure form, that's why we choose to come to this life and experience this flesh and body.
Now I have this chance to feel what it's like to have someone who truly loves me unconditionally, passing over, I like to linger for a while in this human emotions.  To feel what it's like being out of alignment and shaken.  As I move through all these emotions, it only makes me crave alignment even more.

I see the dramas and the variety of life played out in my mom and sibling's lives.  Nothing is wrong or right, everyone chooses their own path.  So when you judge, you're only pointing out the contrast between your own path and theirs.  I don't watch TV dramas anymore.  I look at how my parents interacted with their friends and family, that's already drama, or if I want some international drama, I turn on CNN.  It's real, it's now, it's raw.

I've learnt many things in my short life.  I knew mom would've slip away quietly that day, because the night before, I spent time with her and felt what she felt and got confused on why.  My innate knows why, hers knows too it was the right time.
My grief is for the living and the games they're still playing.  The ones I'm tired of dealing.  This is my exit from their dramas.  I am myself again.  Not defined by their judgments.

My life keeps getting better and better now because I have guidance within me.  Now that I'm able to communicate with mom directly without the confusing flesh desires, I know that human craving of relationships is only an excuse for wanting to be in alignment with themselves.
No more excuses because I have alignment all day everyday.

2016 onward will be the best times of my life.  I'll let you in on a secret, ... I may be the luckiest person on earth.  :) :) :)